Why?
by livsgirl
Summary: Why:  Olivia and Alex having a discussion after she asked for new ADA in turmoil.  Pre-established A/O


**A/N: I have to say thank you to ladybugs momma who suggested this one shot. I hope everyone likes it and as always reviews are welcomed.**

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><p>Olivia walked into the dark apartment and breathed a sigh of relief for being home. She had had a trying day with their current case. Everything blew up in their face concerning the Nikki Sherman rape case. Apparently there were some pictures that had made it onto the internet concerning their victim in some predisposed positions.<p>

On top of all that Alex Cabot, the ADA for them and her wife, was being investigated by the state bar. Stabler the ever noble man stood up for her telling them to dig all they wanted everything was clear. Then Liam Black pointed out that if Alex's license was pulled then they would be next. Upon arriving at the station Captain Cragen met them and delivered the blow to end all. Stabler's oldest son Dickie was missing.

That set a train in motion that there was no stopping. Elliot kept overstepping boundaries everywhere he went. Not that she blamed him. She would have done the same if it was her child. Because Alex was being investigated by the bar she was more prone to snap than usual. The finally nail in the coffin was at Shane Newsome's crime scene when she told Elliot that Captian Cragen neede to place him on a shorter leash and then she informed Alex she had put in a formal request for a new ADA. Something she later regretted and new would end up in a big fight when she arrived home.

Noticing the light shining out from under their bedroom door Olivia made her way upstairs to prepare for the fight she knew was about to ensure. No matter how hard they attempted to keep their personal and work lives separate sometimes it happened to intertwine.

"What is this?" Olivia tried hard not to shout when she saw Alex packing up a suitcase.

"This is me leaving." Alex answered with the same coldness that earned her the title Ice princess from the squad. The same tone that Olivia hadn't heard her use at home in a long time.

"Why?" Olivia asked as she fought to keep the tears at bay.

"I have personal ethic issues remember." Alex stated as she tossed a few shirts into the suitcase "You want a new ADA. Maybe even one in the bedroom."

That was it for Olivia.

"I ask for a new ADA and now suddenly I want a new woman." Olivia screamed "Because I don't agree with how you handled the Nikki Sherman case I want a new woman."

"No because you have pushed me away from the get go with this case."

"That's bullshit and you know it. We kept you fully in the loop. It was when the bar started investigating that you threw all of us to the wolves. How many times have we had your backs no matter what? Mind telling me that? What about the time you were suspended for a month when you set up the rapist using the victim. We stood by you the whole time. They take one look at you and we are your sacrificial lambs."

"That's bullshit Liv." Alex said as she zipped up the suitcase "I've never asked you to put your career on the line for me you chose to."

"Because I love you and because we stand behind each other no matter what."

"Yeah right I'm just here to fill a void" Alex said grabbing her suitcase and heading toward the door.

Olivia had enough. At that moment she didn't care how many lines she was about to cross and she knew she was going to cross some. Waiting until Alex was close enough before reacting. She reached out grabbing Alex's suitcase and ripped it from her hands. She then threw it back into the bedroom and watched it land on the bed, bouncing a few times before stopping. Using her body she backed Alex against the wall placing both hands on either side of her head.

"The only void you were ever filling was the emptiness I had in my heart before you came along. And because I ask for a new ADA doesn't mean I want another woman in my bed. Trust me if I did I wouldn't have committed myself to you. No one has ever satisfied me or completed me the way you do in and out of the bedroom. " Olivia backed away from Alex "Maybe its you that wants something new and your using this as your way of getting out. I would hope that you had more *balls* then that."

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Alex asked as she watched Olivia walked through the bedroom door.

"I'm leaving." Olivia answered never turning around "This is your apartment remember. I moved in with you. I have a change of clothes at work so I won't need anything till day after tomorrow. If you don't want me to be here please just pack up my clothes and bring them to the station. Everything else do with as you please. Anything that's work related place it in a box and I'll get it as soon as possible."

The defeat Alex saw in Olivia's body shook her to the core. Even when she was almost raped in the women's prison she didn't look this defeated.

"Olivia wait." Alex whispered as she placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"For what Alex?" Olivia asked not bothering turning around.

"Because I'm sorry" Alex said as tears flowed from her eyes "I took my anger out on you and I shouldn't have. I know you don't want anyone else. I understand why you asked for another ADA it just hurt the way you did it in front of everyone. I wanted you to hurt as much as I was."

"You succeeded" Olivia said as she shrugged free from her hold "Now if you need you know where I work."

"That's it you're just going to walk away"

"Doesn't feel so hot does it Alex" Olivia asked as she spun on her heels and closed the gap between them "In the nine years we have been together and the four we have been married I have never threatened you with leaving. NEVER."

"I know I'm sorry Liv."

"Don't tell me that tell Nikki Sherman. I performed CPR on her until the paramedics arrived. You want to know why? Because the ADA that promised her justice hung her out to dry to save herself. She almost didn't survive because my wife tossed her like a rag when she was done. The same thing her rapist did to her."

Before Alex realized what she was doing she pulled her hand back and slapped Olivia across the face.

Olivia stared at her wide eyed for a moment before grabbing Alex by the shirt collar and forcefully pushing her against the wall. The rage she felt running through her was like none she had ever felt before. When she looked into Alex's eyes she felt a calm come over her like she always did.

Alex felt the tension running through Olivia. Hell the whole apartment was vibrating with it. There was no doubt that Alex had just pushed Olivia too far. There was also no doubt in Alex's mind that no matter how angry she was with her at that moment that she wouldn't hurt her. In fact it was the complete opposite. She felt as safe with Olivia at that moment, if not more so, as she would have any other time.

"Don't ever hit me again." Olivia said through clenched teeth before releasing Alex and walking away.

Alex jumped at the sound of the door being slammed. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat but was unable to. Finally giving in she sunk to the floor and screamed out. She sat there in the floor a shallow core of the woman she was. Crying and begging to the empty air for Olivia to come back.

It was almost two in the morning when Olivia slid her key in the lock and opened the door. With skill acquired through the years as one of New York's finest she secured the door and chambered the lock without making a sound. She turned to creep up the stairs when the lamp in the living room suddenly came on.

"You came back." Alex said with downcast eyes.

Olivia stared at the woman who held her heart. The sight before her made her want to swallow the barrel of her gun even more than she already did. Alex's eyes was puffy and red from crying and her hair was rumpled. There was no denying that she spent the last few hours crying.

"Yeah" Olivia whispered as she made her way to the couch "Alex I crossed lines that cant be forgiven nor forgotten. I not only used my intimidation to back you against the wall but I also put my hands on you and forcefully put against the wall. You will never know how sorry I am for that. In the morning I'm turning myself in for simple battery family violence."

"No your not." Alex said as she closed the gap between them, quickly reaching out to stop Olivia from moving "I crossed lines to and you were more than justified. Self-defense is what I will be arguing at your hearing if you try it to."

"Alex" Olivia said jumping up from the couch despite the silent pleas "We both know I carry the violent gene. This is just the beginning and you know it."

"Do you think I was scared? Because I wasn't. Olivia you work so hard to keep the violent side of you, as you call it, dormant. When in truth you are the most control person I have ever met. I have seen you keep your cool and refrain from striking suspect when you should have. Every now and then we deserve to lose control."

"Not with the people we love. There is never a justification for putting your hands on the one you vow to honor and love till death do you part. If you recall I struck first."

"I deserved it I should have never told you about the request in front of everyone we work with. That was the preverbal stab in the back."

"But something I needed. You were right Liv, I did sacrifice a rape victim to save my career. The bar started investigating me and I panicked. The only thought that kept going through my head was if I lose my position I would lose everything, including you. Even though I know that couldn't be further from the truth."

"Oh baby. You know whether you're an ADA or an unemployed ADA I'm here to stay."

"Its an irrational fear I have. But, I want you to know I've been working hard to make it right. I found the woman who said that Sherman recanted. She admitted she lied because she was being bribed and intimidated. I have a meeting with Sam Baylor and his attorney in the morning. I am refilling the rape charge along with additional charges of witness tampering and obstruction. Nikki Sherman will have her day in court."

"Thank you she deserves justice after everything she's been through. When I left here I went and talked to Liz. I put in a formal statement to recanting my request for a new ADA. She did point out that I needed to make up my mind on what I wanted and wondered how you manage to put up with me."

Alex couldn't help but laugh. If Liz only knew how well they balanced each other out in their personal lives she would be amazed.

"Its simple really." Alex said wrapping her arms around Olivia flinching when she felt her stiffen "Because there is no one else I would rather fight and make up with then you. Forgive yourself Liv. I do, in every sense of the word."

Olivia closed her eyes and exhaled the breath she had been holding. Alex still loved her. Alex still saw her as the strong detective fighting for victims. Not the violent potential rapist she always saw herself as. Truth be told after everything they had gone through that day they were still as strong, if not stronger, as they ever were.

"We ok?" Alex whispered into Olivia's ear.

"We will be."


End file.
